How To Move Beyond Self Confidence
Have you ever wanted to do something but stop yourself because you thought “I am not good enough”, “I am not attractive enough”, “I am not talented enough”, “I am not financially successful enough”, “My education background is not good enough”?
The “not enough” syndrome battles shut down many dreams and desire. Believing that you are not enough often paralyzes us and keep us from building what you do have enough of.
After a lifetime experiencing very little confidence in my life, I decided to write this.
First, let me tell you my lack of confidence credential.
I love to read and I have a dream someday I would be able to write and speak just like my favorite authors and speakers.
When I study some of my favorite authors and speakers who were doing what I wanted to do with my life, their life somewhat seems magical. As if they knew some special secret that I didn’t know.
So, What Is the “Secret” of Their Success?
I tried to write a blog. Writing has been the hardest thing I have ever done. Genuinely, the hardest. I have to overcome my own insecurity about my ability to write, my English language capacity, my knowledge, and expertise.
I read other blogs and feel crushed at how little I know and how little I have to offer. I wonder why I even bother with my own blog when so many great writers do it way better than I ever could. And I ask myself “Why Not Me?”
I keep thinking:
"I hope I am good enough."
"I am insecure, damn insecure so please don’t breathe a word to anyone now."
"I just don’t feel up to a lot of things."
"You’ll never measure up. You’re not a real writer. And any day now, everyone will see you for the fraud that you are."
The Voice Inside My Head That Tells Me I’m Unworthy
I have a nagging voice inside my head that constantly reminds me of my unworthiness. It tells me to give up before I’m laughed off the Internet. That I’ll never compare to other writers — the real ones.
It provides a symphony of thoughts like:
“Why would anyone care what you have to say?”
“Sooner or later, they’ll find out you have no clue what you’re doing.”
That’s how I feel, anyway
But I continue to write. Writing is a good training for me (if I allow it to be) because it forces me to get comfortable with failure.
When I join other blogger and other writers in a group, I realize that I am not totally alone. We share the same fear and frustration. We find comfort and assurance with each other. We inspire and encourage each other to grow.
Well..perhaps here’s a secret …
What these authors and speakers have that I didn’t have is the self-confidence, the grit, the perseverance.
They believe in themselves and their potential for success.
Unfortunately, our culture too often encourages us to place our confidence in things that have no power to give us the authentic confidence – in material possession, looks, talent, money, expensive jewelry, drive the expensive car, wear branded shoes and bags, etc.
It is important to have self-confidence. Built your skills, prepare yourself well with education, knowledge, and experience. But to me these things are not enough.
We need authentic confidence.
Authentic Confidence is more than self-confidence. Self-confidence is about what you can do. Authentic confidence is about self-confidence plus faith.
About what God’s purpose for you and what He can do through you and for you.
This is not about working less or more. It’s not about homemade or takes out, full-time or part time.
It is about rejecting the myth that every day is a new opportunity to prove our worth, and about our worth is inherent by God, not by our own effort.
It’s about learning to show up, and let ourself be seen of who we really are, with all our imperfection, flawed and weakness yet we are still worth loving.
It’s about realizing what makes our lives meaningful is not what we have accomplished, but how deeply and honestly, we connect with the people in our lives.
Writing makes me feel alive. I tell my stories so that other can tell stories on their own too. But I am not just writing about others and my own life.
I want to write about some thing more, something larger - The experience of life itself.
I want to live my life to the fullest. Try new things, make mistakes, learn and experience and grow as people. Some things I can look back and say "I have lived a life worth writing for".
Of all the things, I am learning to leave behind, one of the heaviest is the opinion of others & the chase of perfection.
The chase for perfection has kept us isolated and exhausted. We keep trying to reach some sort of ideal that never comes.
When I leave all that behind, the freedom is astounding.
And so..I continue to write.